Accidentally Stupid

So I'm driving to work today and I'm in the fast lane, but I'm not driving fast. I'm going 65 because the car in front of me is driving 65, and the lane to my right is blocked with cars so I cannot pass the car in front. I was going to tailgate this idiot, but I saw a yellow "Baby on Board" window sticker on the back window of the car.

Now, I respect babies...

But there is something so damn wrong with some of their parents. First off, if the baby is on board, why are you in the fast lane? Asshole.

Second, a yellow "Baby on Board" sticker does NOT give you permission to be a dumbass.

I don't like to blatently pass cars with Baby on Board stickers, but sometimes I am forced to, as if for some supernatural reason this sticker allows all drivers who own one to be a complete egotistical weetard on the highway... I believe I have just officially made a connection between retards and baby stickers.

Anyways, this powerful sticker does not give you permission to be a dumbass.

Do you know why driving slow in the fast lane with a Baby on Board sticker is such a bitch thing to do? Because then you have officially guilt tripped the person who you are forcing to pass you. That person was me, and yes, I feel like I'm the asshole when I am passing these people, when in all actually they're the asshole.

Thanks a lot, you weetards, for making me feel like a jerk! You know who you are.

Dear Mother of Pearl

I'm Speechless

Remember how I was bitching about how GTA 4 sneaks around and installs shit behind your back without you knowing until after it’s installed? Well this game by THQ, called Dawn of War 2, flat out tells you exactly what it’s going to do to install the game, and then asks if you accept it. HELL YES I DO! I love honesty in software, I want to see more of it.

 

Man, talk about some type of reverse Karma. The whole thing is a mystery of the universe since I literally just flamed GTA4 for doing the exact opposite last night.

 

Even cooler feature is that DoW2 uses Steam. This is a sign from God, I tell you.

Top 10 Reasons Why Macs Suck

I'll start at #10 and work my way up.

10. Mac users to this day are still somehow tricked into thinking that Microsoft is a monopoly, and that Apple is the messiah of all computer companies, even though every Officially Endorsed Apple product for Mac besides iTunes is for Mac only, while windows has reached across the aisle many times with products such as Microsoft Office for Mac.

9. You, the end user, are unable to upgrade your Mac (besides changing RAM and Hard Drives) because Steve Jobs thinks you’re too stupid to do it, and you are forced to buy a brand new computer just to upgrade; which leads me to my next point.

8. The entire Mac computer user experiance was built to appeal to Daft users who only know how to drag-and-drop items. Have you ever seen a Mac user try to drag-n-drop something, only to have it not work? They don’t know what to do next, it’s hilarious.

7.  Mac applications like to make the user play twister with their hands by forcing them to execute keyboard shortcuts by pressing things like  “Apple+Shift+Option+H" just to "Hide Current Application”, how ironic is it, that it’s called a shortcut.

6. When something crashes it doesn’t tell you why (so you can't possibly try to fix it yourself), and instead asks if you would like to send the error/crash report to apple since those guys are probably smarter then you anyway...  You could go to a genius bar so they can run a diagnostic tool to see if they can help you... in fact that's all you can do.  

5. Right-click mice still aren’t the standard for Macs, and they give you shitty white keyboards that are painful to type on for long periods of time.

4. The people who work at the Genius Bar are arrogant assholes who automatically assume that everyone that comes to them for help is a computer illiterate dumbass; not thinking for a moment that the only reason you are there is because of reason # 6. These guys are the worst, they hope that you don't catch on to the fact that the diagnostic tool tells them what the problem is with your mac, and that in fact, they don't know shit about computers. If the diagnostic tool runs and doesn't turn out any problems, then you are peice of shit who wasted the "geniuses" time. Then they will shew you off becuase there is obviously nothing wrong with your Mac. Don't beleive me? Too bad fanboy, becuase it happened to me. By the way, if you want real help with your mac, go here. Unfortunetly they can be expensive, but they know 100x more then those assholes at the Genius Bar do, and they are actually very nice. 

3. Referencing #8,  People will spend upwards of $2,800 for a laptop they are going to use to only surf the web, write essays, write emails, listen to music, possibly make one home video with since the excitement quickly wears off, and the only game you might play is World of Warcraftand it won't even run good. For a computer and not a laptop, people will spend $2500, (+ $900 for a new apple monitor), to do the exact same thing I mentioned a few sentences before, although to be fair... these people are morons, you can't expect much from them. (By the way, for $2,837 you can get a vastly superior PC that will last you atleast 5 or more years,  complete with water cooling, the fastest Blu-Ray combo drive on the market, a DVD/CD combo drive for good measure, the latest intel i7 Quad Core CPU processor, cutting edge graphics card, and you can individually upgrade every part of your PC yourself if you so wanted to; thus expanding the life of your PC to possibly 8 years. Your PC is officially a lean mean gaming-machine, complete with blu-ray HD playback, you know all stuff a Mac can't do. Last year's Apple computers (the ones from 3-4 months ago) are already outdated. Good Game Apple. Of course the fanboys who just bought a laptop a month before the new one's rolled out for the same price won't complain. Damn Tools.

2. Safari, the default internet browser for Mac, doesn’t really work that well for the internet, and neither does Firefox. Good game Apple.

And ranked at #1 reason why Macs are stupid is…

1. To this day, 3 Operating Systems later, a Mac user still cannot delete a selected file by simply pressing the delete or backspace key. They must instead drag and drop the file into the trash to delete it.

 

There it is Mac users. You have been officially served.

Come back tomorrow to read my Top Ten Reasons Why Macs Rock. If there is no article tomorrow named that, it means that I still haven’t fallen for Apple’s Marketing campeign.

-Don’t drink the cool aid- 

FOLLOW UP!!

But Chase! The Mac can have up to 4 nVidia Geforce GT 120's plugged into the Apple computer simulataneously, that must make it more graphically powerful then PC's becase it can have FOUR GRAPHICS CARDS AT ONCE!

My Response:
Wrong, dumbass. If you did even 5 seconds worth of research, you would find out that the nVidia GT 120 is just a renamed piece-of-crap nVidia 9500GT worth about $65 on newegg.com. Want to know what's even more hilarious? Apple charges you $150 a card, and they are probably underclocked to extend the cards life becuase Steve Jobs is incredibly paranoid about his shit not lasting longer then 10 years, which everyone know's is a joke since apple makes you buy a new Mac every two years. Let me spell it out for the Mac users reading my blog right now. Imagine you had 3 hamsters running in a wheel that generated electricity. This represents 1 nVidia GT 120 graphics card. Now imagine that multiplied by 4, now  you have 12 hamsters all doing the same thing which generates quite a lot more energy.  Now imagine you have 1 graphics card for the same price that has all 12 hamsters in it all ready for the PC. 

See the difference? If you don't, it's ok. 

Really, it's ok....

Rockstar Games is Bullshit

Hey, very nice textures man. HAHA, jk dumbass.

I really hate Grand Theft Auto 4 for the PC

I really really really hate it. It's pissing me off so much I'm about to go shoot the nearest hooker and go beat the shit out of the Gamestop sales rep who sold me the game, and then I'll ask for my money back when he's begging for dear life. Did you know that I hate this game before I even got to play it, and that I was planning on having a blast playing this game? Yeah, epic fail.Do you want to know how to epiclly fuck your game up so bad that people hate it before they even get to play it? I don't care what your answer is just read this and get educated.

To start, the game comes with more bullshit in terms of DRM then any other game I have ever played. It's a clusterfuck of shitiness.The game doesnt use just one form of DRM like 100% of the

 other games out there in the world; it actually use 5 levels of DRM on this god forsaken, peice of shit, overly-hyped game. 

Chase: 1, Rockstar: 0.

Can you imagine how the executive meeting went when they were trying to figure out how to put this game on PC?

 Well guess no longer. Thanks to extensive research performed by me, I found Rockstar Games' PowerPoint presentation that outlines everything down to the Tee. 

(Things in parenthesis are my own comments on the stolen power-point)

Executive Development Meeting

Step-by-step process on how to royally buttfuck our loyal honest customers. 

Written by : Producer Douche Bag

Date: 7-26-08

Classification level: Douche Baggingly High Classification Level

1. Deceptively install "Rockstar Games Social Club" by making it look like you're installing GTA4.  User agrees, only to find out that what was actually installed was a program that must be running in the background to play GTA4, and is in fact not the actualy game install. (we call this bloatware, FYI, and it usually comes with free, commercial infected shit like AIM) 

2. Actually install the game, and spread it out over two discs, and then force the user to insert disc 1 again to complete the install. Oh yes, that was a good one.

3. Force user to activate the game online, if the user can't connect online then the game cannot be played. If they don't have internet at home then fuck them. They obviously bought the game becuase they weren't able to illegally download it from the internet, so we will repeatedly kick them in the balls for not owning Comcast High Speed Internet, because It's Comcastic!(oh ho ho, a rainbow, i see what you're

 doing here)

4. Enter the CD key. Failing to enter hyphens results in an incorrect serial key due to a premitive key-authorization program that was written well over 20 years ago.

5. Force user to wait while the game goes online to validate that you aren't in violation of the street-release date. (Completely fucking redundant since the game has been out for over 7 months) Oh yes, we are proud of ourselves for that one.

6. Once it is determined that the game is in fact in the hands of our legitimate customer on or after the release date (gasp!), launch the game. Re-ask customer to validate that they agree with the EULA for the billionth fucking time, we wan't to make sure our customers know we aren't fucking around, then launch Rockstar Games Social Club (I'm trying to make you hate this name, is it working yet?). 

7. Proceed to trick customer into thinking that if they want to play GTA4 that they must first

 create a user account with Rockstar Games Social Club. Launch default broswer to webpage allowing the gullible idiot to create an account.

8. Show customer all these cool little avatars they can use to create an account to suck them in for the kill, meanwhile our shady little program called Rockstar Games Social Club opens up to this default login screen in the background behind the browser, out of sight, allowing the idiot who just made an account to realize they could have played the game without doing this BS by clicking the skip login button.

  

9. Launch Game. Rudely reminding the little smartass who didn't create an account with Rockstar Games

 Social Club that they did not create an account with Rockstar Games Social Club and therefore cannot sign in to take advantage of stupid shit like being able to capture and upload your own videos that no one is going to watch anyway. This little feature is there just so the user feels like being forced to install Rockstar Games Social Club wasn't a complete fucking waste of the User's time, even though it was.

10. After all this, allow user to make the stupid assumption that they could play the game without the Disc, but inform them that they need the disc to play becuase we are paranoid motherfuckers, and DRM and Rockstar Games Social Club wasn't enough DRM to satisfy us. We want our customers to literally shout in unison across the globe, "Why, Oh Why, Oh Why didn't I just Pirate this stupid piece of shit?"

11. Tell the user what he/she can and cannot do with their computer by using a riduculous weights and balance system to control graphics settings. Want to make your settings high? Too bad dipshit, I don't think your computer is good enough. Obviously high quality textures take up all 512MB of  your puny Memory, dumbass. If you want high quality textures you will have to make everything else low. Why? Becuase we fucking can. ( I was able to make it give me what i wanted in exchange for my man hood, a viewing distance of 1 out of 100)

[look at higher quality picture here]

-End Slideshow-

Honestly, this is one of the worst cover-ups in PC gaming history. How this wasn't in the news like it should have been is just amazing. It looks like Rockstar Games have been playing their own game so much that they applied it to the games marketing strategy. Bribing/Extorting the reviewers much?

I feel victimized. Atleast the guy named Joel at the bottom of the page tells it like it really is, unlike those other users who are all failures at life. For those of you who are failures, I have a great website you should read.

Don't buy this bullshit. Boycott it. PC users deserve far better then this.

No, your eyes do not decieve you, the game really looks this bad with everything on high, with texture quality set to medium. Even the "Auto" ratio detection failed, good job dumbfucks at Rockstar Games. (look at minimap in bottom left corner, it is an oval and not a circle)